


damned if you speak; damned if you don't

by fallencrest



Category: Justified
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Swearing, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 15:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallencrest/pseuds/fallencrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim really isn't sure if Raylan knows he's into him and is just real fond of messing with him; or, if he's completely oblivious to the whole damned situation. Either way, it's pretty much a situation at this point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	damned if you speak; damned if you don't

Tim doesn’t have a thing for cowboys or anything, it really isn’t like that. It’s just Raylan Givens. Raylan gets him every time. 

See, it wasn’t like Raylan didn’t charm everyone because, Christ knew, he did. The Raylan Givens charm offensive was one of the most effective Tim had ever experienced, and it did for just about everyone, but there’s no real accounting for what it does to Tim sometimes. He can resist it a lot of the time, can fight it or just shrug it off as what Raylan _does_ but there are times he takes it a little too much to heart. Times when Raylan’ll hold the door for Tim or doff his hat when he sees him and then Tim’s resolve just crumbles and he finds himself wondering whether Raylan does it for everyone, tries to calculate his behaviour, reads into it all too much. Because, yeah, the Raylan Givens charm offensive does for everyone but is it the same for everyone?

Tim is not a vulnerable man and he isn’t easily fooled but he still wonders sometimes about the way Raylan treats him. There are times he wants to ask “you flirtin’ with me?” and barely even restrains himself. He could say it as a joke sometime, it’d be easy. They’ve got this rapport, see. But, then, maybe he’s reading into that, too. 

When it comes down to it, hook-ups have always been one of the things Tim’s been gawkiest about. Most other things he has to do in his daily life he’s got down and he can do them easy. He’s really fucking good at his job and he always has been. But, fuck, if he doesn’t find guys harder to deal with than anything. Maybe it’s just down to the years of sneaking around (years of being afraid to be out to his army buddies and not wanting to get treated different) but it’s fucking hard. Like he never knows if Raylan’s playing with him or if he’s coming onto him or if Raylan even knows he’s gay. Sometimes he figures Raylan’d never treat him this way if he knew, unless he liked him but, well, he tries not to let himself believe that Raylan’s into guys because that is a real dangerous path which mostly leads to longer showers than usual.

Yeah, if he were feeling honest, Tim would admit that he occasionally has less than pure thoughts about Raylan fucking Givens and his mile-long legs and the way of carrying himself which screams self-confidence. Because, fuck, if Raylan wasn’t every boy’s dream. And the rapport, or whatever it is they have, that really doesn’t help with making it all go away. Nor does the way Raylan puts a hand on his shoulder sometimes like it’s nothing or the way he leans in a bit when he’s asking a favour. 

Raylan always does try a little harder when he wants something, Tim’s noticed, and it makes him wonder if Raylan’s just playing his stupid crush for all it’s worth. If he is, well, then it’s working out real well for him. Tim knows that, if Raylan had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have that day Tim “took him downstairs” and blatantly failed to do what he was actually supposed to, well, that would have been both of their heads. And he knows, even if he’d rather not admit it, that he probably wouldn’t have done it for anyone else. He also knows that his decision had maybe been a little clouded by the stupidly improbable hope that, next time he and Raylan were in the elevator together, Raylan might find a way of making it up to him. (Thus far, no such luck but they haven’t actually been alone in the elevator yet so he’s not entirely given up hope.)

Tim kind of hates the fact that it hasn’t got any easier with time. He’d sort of thought it would be a passing thing. When Raylan had shown up at the office, Tim had figured he’d get over the fact that Raylan was so damned good-looking and he probably would have done if Raylan weren’t Raylan and such a fucking tease. That’s all it is, really, that slight teasing and the just-glimpsed possibility that Raylan might know Tim was into him and that his behaviour might be an invitation, instead of just s a show. 

Tim should let it go, he knows this, has known it since he first laid eyes on Raylan and couldn’t help the thoughts he had. But, he guesses as long as there’s some chance that there’s something to the way Raylan behaves towards him, he probably won’t be able to keep himself from wondering or from responding to Raylan’s teasing by doing it right back - like kids pulling at each other’s pigtails. 

He figures maybe one day he’ll get drunk and say something but he knows he probably won’t. He ought to hate being stuck with this, with Raylan and his stupid fucking cowboy charm, but he doesn’t, probably couldn’t if he tried and he’s mostly okay with it now, though he’d never admit it. But, then, when it comes to Raylan Givens, there are a hell of a lot of things Tim wouldn’t admit.


End file.
